


When the Panic Kicks In

by gimmekensei



Category: Bleach
Genre: Before I imagine them as a couple, Building trust, Caring Kensei, Comfort No Hurt, M/M, Mentions of Tousen, No Smut, Panic Attacks, sweet at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:40:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26580793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gimmekensei/pseuds/gimmekensei
Summary: Shuhei always had little notice when his panic attacks started to kick in. There would always be the feeling of everything closing in around him, of his chest tightening up and his throat closing in. The blood would pounder increasingly louder in his ears and his vision would start to disfigure as if his vision was suddenly dunked underwater....(Trigger warning: Panic Attacks /// I don't write too graphically about his panic attack, but I still want to make it clear that panic attacks are discussed in this one-shot. ///  )
Relationships: Hisagi Shuuhei/Muguruma Kensei
Kudos: 37





	When the Panic Kicks In

Shuhei always had little notice when his panic attacks started to kick in. There would always be the feeling of everything closing in around him, of his chest tightening up and his throat closing in. The blood would pounder increasingly louder in his ears and his vision would start to disfigure as if his vision was suddenly dunked underwater.    
  
It had been so long since he had last had a panic attack at this level of extreme. Usually, in most cases his hand would tremble and shake a little, but nothing he couldn’t easily hide while he brought his breathing under control.    
  
Shuhei shuddered and bent over his desk and wrapped his arms around his head. He was in the best shelter of darkness he could muster at the moment. If he was lucky, the stomach churning would end soon and he’d just be left with a throbbing migraine. Worse case scenario, he’d get worse and someone might come to discover him in such a state. He couldn’t allow that. Many didn’t understand panic attacks and often saw it as a sign of weakness. Only a few people knew of his attacks, one of those being Tousen. How he missed his former Captain already...with that soothing voice that would hush soft words of encouragement into his ears to stir his mind out of the darkness it was locked within, or how the Captain would gently rub his back, his hands sliding up and down in a repeated fashion that always brought some normality to the already hectic moment. Tousen always saved him from feeling detached and lost from reality, but he was here no more. He was reminded of that every day he stared in the mirror at the scar flanking his side.    
  
_ Hnn….it hurt even more just thinking about it.  _ _  
_ _  
_ “Oi, Shu?” A voice out of the blue broke through Hisagi’s thoughts, but he dared not look up. He barely had his body under control...he couldn’t afford to break his concentration and potentially risk his mental state just to get a better look at the newcomer. He needed to keep this physical, mental prison up.    
  
“...ah, shit. That Kurosaki kid mentioned something about this.”    
  
Shuhei’s eyes flickered open in surprise, but luckily his arms worked well enough to guard the sunlight away from him.  _ Kurosaki kid? Oh, that’s right...Kurosaki had seen one of his panic attacks recently...but...he thought Ichigo had promised to tell no one?  _ _  
_ _  
_ “Give me a second.” The disembodied voice murmured, bizarrely soothing for reasons unknown to the Lieutenant of the Ninth. He heard the sound of what seemed to be curtains pulled together shut and a click, as if the office door had been locked. What really caught Shuhei off guard though was the fabric that dropped around his shoulders to encase him in warmth. From the heat coming from the fabric, it was clear even to Hisagi in this weakened state that this was something that had just recently been worn by someone else. The warmth of it was...well comforting to say the least.    
  
“Before you get pissed, kid...I interrogated Kurosaki about this. Figured since I’m your Captain I should know...I mean so..” A faint, faked cough could be heard before the voice popped up again. “So I can help, y’know? But, uh...enough talking right? Shit, I’m probably not helping by opening my mouth.”    
  
Shuhei heard the sound of a chair scraping on the floor, as if the now identified Captain was getting up to walk away and...leave.  _ He..He couldn’t let him leave. He needed- _ _  
_ _  
_ Hisagi barely registered that his hand lashed out to grab the back of Kensei’s clothes, but he didn’t regret it. At least not now he didn’t. He couldn’t speak yet, only raspily breathing slowly in and out, but the surprised look that flooded Captain Muguruma’s face soon changed into a soft look. If Shuhei wasn’t in the middle of trying to keep his panic attack and growing migraine at bay, he would have totally blushed from just how rich and sweet that look was.    
  
“..Heh, I get it kid. Here...I’m gonna talk about what I do, alright?” Kensei whispered, trying to keep his tone of voice down, unlike his typically ear-popping loudness. “I’m going to move my arms around your waist and pick you up okay?” The Captain was fully aware Shuhei wasn’t ready to talk yet, but he needed to see some form of consent. “Shu, if you can nod your head if that’s okay.”    
  
Hisagi shakily sucked in a breath before giving a quick nod. He felt a little dizzy afterward, but the feeling of arms wrapping around his waist helped to ground the Lieutenant once more. A broken whimper slipped embarrassingly from his clenched lips, but the Captain seemed to lack judgment of any kind. “Okay...okay…” Kensei hissed out, as if he was saying those words not just for Hisagi, but for himself as well. “I’m gonna hold you, now...got it?”    
  
Shuhei trembled a little. “Kid, I need you to-” Hisagi was already a step ahead and finally gave another shaky nod. “Good.” The Captain let out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding in his lungs and finally lifted Hisagi up properly into his arms, carrying him over to the couch before gradually sitting down as slowly as he could possibly muster. “This all okay?” The visored questioned once more. He got another weak nod in response.    
  
And there they lay...for how long neither knew. It was almost as if time had stilled, but the ticking of the clock on the wall was what alerted them both that in fact time was still in motion. Hisagi swore that he fell asleep at some point, only stirring a little when Kensei shifted as well to adjust his limbs.    
  
“Nn...easy there kid.” Kensei murmured quietly when Shuhei felt safe enough to start to move a little more. Thank god his Captain couldn’t spot the flushness of his cheeks when he felt fingers weaving through his hair. The touch felt extremely nice admittedly, and well….considering how bomb shelled he felt...it didn’t hurt to keep his eyes closed a little longer.    
  
Tousen wasn’t here any longer, but a calmness had finally resettled inside of Shuhei Hisagi now that he knew that another Captain had taken Tousen’s place. He was safe now in these familiar arms. He could trust the new Captain..believe in him, look up to him…   
  
“C...Captain, than-”    
  
“Enough Shu.” Kensei chuckled quietly, the sound rumbling a little in his chest. “I get it. There’s no need to thank me. Just doing my job in caring for my Lieutenants...even if you two are handfuls.” The chuckle turned into a soft laugh and though Hisagi didn’t join in, he couldn’t help but smile just a little...a look that Kensei finally had the chance to catch a glance at.    
  
“Heh, so you can smile, huh?” Kensei uttered only to reach down and brush his fingers along the younger soul reaper’s cheek. “Feelin’ better then?”    
  
“Yes sir.” Shuhei whispered and unconsciously leaned into the touch. The feeling of safety, of warmth and even tenderness still resided in that touch and inside of the Lieutenant, making him feel fuzzy all over. He definitely would explore what that meant when he was in a stronger state of mind, but for the time being there was no way in hell he was going to pull away from this. Seemed his Captain was on the same page in regards to that.    
  
“How about we lay a little longer here...what about that, eh?” Kensei’s hand still resided to cup the Lieutenant's cheek. He almost wanted to comment on how Hisagi needed to stop looking at him with eyes full of trust. While he did say he was doing this out of regard for the fact that Hisagi was his Lieutenant, he had rather more selfish reasons as well for acting as Shuhei’s anchor. It wasn’t good to feel possessive in such a way, but he wanted the kid to learn to rely on him more often...and just him. He wanted to be the only one that really understood the good and bad of Shuhei...to know him in and out. Not that the visored would blatantly admit something like that, especially when Hisagi was still in a sensitive state. “And then when you’re feeling up to it, let’s grab something to eat. It’ll be good to get something inside ya...help calm you a bit more. What do you say?”    
  
“I...I like the sound of that Captain.”    
  
“Good. Now rest a little longer Lieutenant.”    
  
Shuhei’s lips curled up a little in amusement as he resettled down, head resting across the tattoo branded on the Captain’s chest. “Yes sir.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I know we all experience them differently, but I sorta used my own personal experience with past panic attacks when writing about Shuhei's. The point of this one-shot was to show Kensei trying to be supportive of Shuhei and of course, being there when he needs it. This work was just to show how I imagine in such a situation, how their trust between each other might be strengthened. As always I adore this ship in so many ways. <3 Never will get tired of writing these two!
> 
> Hope everyone is staying safe and having a good day!


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